Last night I was having difficulty with my “chore chart” (Ok, I was griping!). I made a current list of all the things the Lord has invited me to do – the things that have taken more than a day to accomplish & those of which I have not completed yet. The list filled a full column in my planner (1/2 pg size). And as I looked over that list last night, I could not find a single thing that I really wanted to do … hence the griping.
Logically, I knew I was being a whiny boob – that I was the one pulling away – that I was looking at it all very selfishly. But did that change the fact that that is how I felt … Why do I have to do all these things I don’t want to do? How am I suppose to be happy when everything He wants me to do makes me miserable?
Yes, I was wallowing. My wonderful mentor shared with me that when she realizes that she is wallowing, she sucks it up and goes out to do service for someone else. Well it was 11:30 at night – too late to do much service. So I prayed.
I ranted a little. I was chastened a little. Then after the prayer and I climbed into bed – I was chastened some more. But then – then there was peace. Complete peace fell over me. I was relaxed, and lovely little visions of who I could help flitted through my thoughts as I drifted off to sleep.
Then this morning, I read The Legend of the Three Trees to my children. Each of the trees had their dream – one wanted to hold treasure, one wanted to be a mighty ship to carry kings, and the last wanted to always point people to God. When the first was made into a feedbox for animals, the second into a small fishing boat and the third cut into crude beams – each were miserable, feeling that their dreams were dashed to pieces.
But when a blessed baby was laid in the first, he realized he held the most precious treasure in the world. While out on the Sea of Galilee and a man stood and calmed the raging storm, the second knew he held the King of Kings. And when the third was fashioned into a cross, after three days, she knew that whenever anyone thought of her, she would point them to God.
Each had a wonderful dream. Each felt forced into something they didn’t want to do. Each felt like there was No Way their dreams could possibly be fulfilled now. Yet each one had their dreams fulfilled beyond their wildest dreams as they were used as instruments of the Lord.
The similarities were not lost on me, and I had to choke through some of the telling. But how does one let go of their own ideals? How does one dig in and do that which is unappealing when there is no respite in sight? How does one trust that it will all make one happy in the end?
I guess the answer is – to trust and to serve.
((Sigh)) Will it bring joy? I don’t know. Will it bring peace? I think so.
What do you think? Leave a comment and let me know.
Sunshine along the Way 